Lives everywhere are being impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic. While staying home may be a safe option to fight the virus, it may not be a safe option for those experiencing domestic violence. From job loss to stay-at-home orders, the resulting isolation makes this an incredibly dangerous time for victims of domestic violence.
At home, victims are forced to remain in constant proximity to their abuser. Children, now also at home, may be further exposed to violence or abused themselves. And while this is concerning enough already, the stress, anxiety, and financial strain caused by COVID-19 can also exacerbate abuse. In other words, domestic violence can increase in both frequency and severity because of COVID-19.
Individuals who are abusive operate by a need for power and control. With a loss of control “out in the world,” many abusers will feel a need to exert and establish their power even more strongly at home. Many abusers are further taking advantage of things like social distancing and stay-at-home orders. They’re disallowing their partners from leaving the home or having contact with anyone else, under any circumstances. For victims in states with shelter-in-place mandates, many feel they can’t leave even if they wanted to try.
Abusers also maintain control through a range of emotional and psychological tactics – things like threats and gaslighting. With COVID-19, abusers may use scare tactics about the current virus, or share misinformation to manipulate and frighten their partner. They may withhold health items, like hand sanitizer or household cleaners. They may threaten to stop paying health insurance, manipulating their partner into believing that they won’t be able to seek medical help without it. (Some might even say they “have Coronavirus” as a way to scare their partner, say they’ve been exposed, and keep them trapped. The list, infinitely, goes on…)
Then there’s other factors in this “new norm.” If an abused partner is working from home, the abuser may cause arguments or create distractions to negatively impact a partner’s work performance, or worse, get them fired. They may threaten to stop paying the bills. They may withhold food. They may threaten to hurt the children or household pets. And for those who may resort to drugs or alcohol to alleviate stress and anger, an increase in substance use can also heighten the risk for harm.
As a result, victims of domestic violence, in many ways, have become “trapped” because of COVID-19. They lose contact with their usual resources, like colleagues, family, or schoolmates. They have no “good reason” to give their partner to leave the house to secretly seek help. And for many, with communities shutting down, they feel that there is no help – that options no longer exist.
Sadly, there’s some truth to this (some). Domestic violence agencies, too, are being negatively impacted by COVID-19. Most agencies have closed their doors and gone entirely virtual. While this is a huge relief to anyone who may need counseling, advice, or assistance leaving an abuser, this also leaves no more “walk-in” option. The only way to seek help is to call a domestic violence agency or contact a domestic violence hotline. If a victim does not have a personal cell phone, or has no place to safely and privately call, their options become limited. (The abuser may even withhold their phone).
Still, it’s important to know and share the fact that there is support. Victims of domestic violence do not need to remain sheltered in a dangerous, abusive environment. There are domestic violence hotlines and resources still available. It’s our job, as bystanders, to make sure we spread this important message as loud as we can.
Here’s what you can do to help: COVID-19 domestic violence
- Share this article and the social graphic below. Many feel as if there are no resources left and nowhere to turn. Make them aware of the critical resources that are still available.
- Be vigilant neighbors. Now is the time to act if you hear or see anything that concerns you. We are all home, and we are all bystanders. If you’re concerned, or have a gut instinct that something is wrong, do not hesitate. Call the police right away.
- Check in with your loved ones who may be experiencing domestic violence or abuse in the home. Many victims will choose to hide or manage their experiences and not reach out, while many are not allowed to make contact with anyone. Family and friends can make a difference by calling loved ones regularly to check in.
- Set up a safety alert with those who are experiencing domestic violence. Come up with a secret code or signal. Pick a unique emoji, or a “one ring hang up” knowing that when you receive it, it means “send help.”Â
RESOURCES
National Domestic Violence and Teen Dating Violence 24/7 Hotline
Phone:Â 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text:Â LOVEIS to 22522
Chat:Â www.thehotline.org
Any Local Domestic Violence Agency – Located in Every Community!
Most are still offering virtual crisis support, counseling, plus 24/7 hotline support as well as assistance with restraining orders, housing, and emergency shelter
Local Police Departments
For immediate safety intervention, referrals to advocates on safety planning, restraining order assistance, and emergency shelter referrals
For more resources or 1:1 support visit:
www.ashleybendiksen.com/resources
www.ashleybendiksen.com/coachingÂ
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