Dating abuse. Domestic abuse. It’s an issue that many believe only happens to adults or within certain demographics. When it comes to the notion of “teen dating abuse,” most parents either fail to realize the issue exists, or they prefer to believe it could never happen to their child. In fact, 81% of parents either believe that teen dating violence is not an issue or they admit that they just don’t know. (1)
But here’s the sad reality…
Teens experience abuse at higher rates than any other demographic.
The DOJ has stated that individuals 16-24 experience higher rates of violence and abuse than any other demographic. Further, nationally we know that 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. will experience some form of abuse in a relationship. However, it’s important to note that those stats are not recent. Teens are dating younger, and technology has changed the game. This means that more teens and young adults are experiencing harmful behaviors and blurred boundaries than ever before. What this means is that, at the very least, your teen or their friends are at risk and nearly every teen will know or witness some form of abuse among their friends and peers.
To quickly clarify and define the term… it goes by many names, like teen dating abuse, intimate partner violence, domestic violence, dating violence, breakup violence, relationship violence, and many others. However, these are all referring to the same thing – an imbalance of power in a relationship where one person in the dating relationship constantly perpetrates unhealthy behaviors and the other is constantly the victim.
It’s not necessarily “physical” abuse…
The most common forms of abuse for TEENS are emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. Yes, physical abuse occurs as well as sexual abuse, but the former are far more common and are occurring at alarming rates in today’s young relationships. This includes things like a partner wanting 24/7 access, excessively texting, monitoring their activities and whereabouts, making accusations, being jealous or possessive, controlling how a person dresses, who they’re friends with, and what they do. They might begin to isolate them from family and peers, or pull them away from their school work or extracurriculars. They might anger easily, threaten to spread rumors, or threaten to hurt themselves, their partner, or others. These behaviors are common among young relationships and they happen even more when teens learn about “dating” on their own. This is why it’s critical for parents to be educated, aware, and equipped with the skills to prevent harm.
Think you’d recognize it? Think again.
Among all of these teens who are affected, few ever tell anyone – including their parents and even their friends. Studies have shown that while 81% of parents think they could recognize the warning signs in their child, a whopping 58% could not correctly identify all of the warning signs. (2) In fact, the majority of parents cannot recognize abuse in their teens’ relationships. In another post, I will share statistics to back this up. Further, while many hope their teens would talk to them, they don’t. Only 33% of teens will tell anyone at all, and often, the only person they will tell is a friend. (3)
If not addressed, the consequences can be far-reaching…
Teens may experience both short term and long term consequences including depression, eating disorders, low-self esteem, drug/alcohol use, detachment, poor/dropping grades, and stopping their extra-curriculars. They may engage in risky sexual behavior, which poses risks for STI’s, STD’s, and unwanted pregnancy. They are also at a much higher likelihood of experiencing repeat victimization and further domestic violence in the future. For this reason, it’s critical to discuss healthy relationships and behaviors with your teen before they begin dating. It’s also critical to ensure that once they are at the ‘dating age’ that you are checking in and making sure the dialogue stays open should they ever need to talk.
So how can you start? Well, you already have just by reading this article. My pledge is to provide you with information and tools on this site that will help you be an empowered and informed parent, so poke around. You’ll find numerous articles that will assist you to support and guide your teen, with many more to come. Meanwhile… check out this free gift.
FREEBIE! “Teen Dating Abuse: A Guide For Parents”
Want to know exactly how to talk to your teens about abuse? What to look for? How to help them if they are being abused? Download this free guide! I put my heart and soul into making this amazing for you… Click for instant access!
Ask Away…
What questions do you have? Leave a comment below.
About: Ashley Bendiksen is a top youth motivational speaker and prevention educator. A survivor speaker and renowned expert in teen dating violence, domestic violence, and sexual assault prevention, Ashley is available as a speaker for middle schools, high schools, colleges, and youth conferences for both students and adults who serve them. She is also a professional development speaker for first responders, victim services providers, and workplaces. Request Ashley to speak.
